Elvis Presley crooned about how “blue” Christmas could be,” Ebenezer Scrooge “bah, humbugged” any twinkling of merriment, and Dr. Seuss’ Grinch did his best to quash the holidays. While cultures and countries the world over celebrate the opportunity for connection and engagement, for some, the onset of the winter holidays brings a creeping malaise, a funk, the doldrums—even descent into goblin mode.
Scott Rogers, a law lecturer and founder and director of the Mindfulness in Law Program at the University of Miami School of Law, and Michael Slote, a professor of ethics in the Department of Philosophy, suggested that gifting our presence—to ourselves and others—and lowering our expectations may be the best cocktail for the holiday blues.
“The more mindfully aware we are, the more naturally we savor our experience,” Rogers said. “Whether attending a party, walking in nature, watching children open gifts, enjoying a meal, or sitting with a friend or by ourselves sipping coffee or tea, the more present and less distracted we are, the more we can immerse in the experience.”
Distractions in the form of critical judgments about ourselves, others, and events, together with our mind wandering into past and future—like Scrooge’s Christmas ghosts—tend to diminish a feeling of satisfaction and joy.
Mindfulness practices train us to notice when our mind is wandering, which allows us to more readily return to the experience, Rogers noted. He suggested a short practice to focus attention on an object of interest—witnessing without engaging or judging—such as people milling about at a party, your friend sharing their thoughts and feelings, or the aroma of a warm beverage. When you notice that your attention has wandered, he pointed out, take slow, deep breaths and bring your attention back to the object.
Slote’s research and authorship have centered for years on the ethics of care, a focus which emphasizes relationships more than other forms of ethical theory.
“The ethics of care holds that caring rather than rationality is the mainspring of ethical action, and connection with others is thought more important than following rules or principles,” Slote explained. “All this applies to the holidays because the togetherness they cultivate and involve is something our society and some philosophies underrate.”
While some care ethicists might be critical, Slote’s approach to caring doesn’t find any fault with those who are more introverted and prefer a quieter or even solitary holiday, possibly because they are grieving in some fashion.
“The ethics of care isn’t committed to our multiplying relationships or always being socially available. If we help those we know and are willing to give to charity, we do all that it requires,” Slote commented. “As for the bereaved, care ethics is flexible enough to grant a ‘holiday’ from sociability and giving.”
Rogers pointed to an underlying reason in the irony that many of us long for vacation, but then find it less than satisfying when it comes and even feel restless, bored, or unable to slow down and just relax.
“One reason for this is that while our external environment may have changed a good deal, our internal environment has not changed much,” he explained. “Our mind continues to wander—in search of something more interesting to do, or lost in thought over regrets, concerns, and worries that we had hoped to leave behind or defer until a later time.”
Again, Rogers suggested mindfulness as an antidote.
“Through practice, we can notice just how restless our mind is. That alone offers us a wedge of awareness to step aside the frantic search for a better, or what we imagine to be a more stimulating moment,” he said. “Less riddled with worry, we become a bit more at ease in the moment we’re in, which is often—perhaps always—all we need.”
Many might imagine that mindfulness techniques are practiced solely when we are alone and are of little use when we find ourselves in the midst of a large holiday gathering. Not so, Rogers said.
“Mindfulness practices are portable, and we can turn to them informally at any time,” he pointed out. “One of the great joys of the holidays is the opportunity to connect with colleagues, family, and friends. Yet, conversations can become difficult. We can worry over whether we are being judged, and we can try so hard for things to go right that we exhaust ourselves.”
In this event, Rogers recommended the mindfulness practice known as lovingkindness, easily adapted to a group setting.
“Silently offer warm wishes to ourselves and others. ‘Others’ can be a loved one, someone you hardly know, and even a difficult person. These warm wishes generally take the form of ‘May you be happy (or safe, or healthy, or at ease).’ When you are in a group setting, perhaps talking or observing someone, consider offering them one of these kind thoughts. And when you’re feeling out of sorts, overwhelmed, or misunderstood, offer one to yourself. This is a form of self-care.’’’
And sometimes, he noted, self-care means choosing not to attend, or excusing ourselves from, a gathering.
During the sometimes-stressful holidays, mindfulness practices may be especially helpful when the mind begins to wander and we feel malaise creeping in. Ultimately, they are a constructive way of directing and training attention that can have enduring benefits.
The Faculty and Staff Assistance Program offers a range of resources to provide comfort during the holidays and throughout the year. Visit its website or call 305-284-6604.
