It is so important to the human condition that it is part of the United States Declaration of Independence:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
Happiness. It is a feeling we all want to attain.
Our society makes us believe that money, fame, and beauty will help us to achieve true happiness. Is that true? What constitutes happiness?
Studies show that money can bring happiness but only to a certain point, said Isaac Prilleltensky, professor at the University of Miami School of Education and Human Development and an expert on health and well-being.
“Money is required to fulfill certain needs,” he said. “However, according to studies, beyond $100,000 additional money does not add much more happiness to your life. If you already make that amount, and want to increase happiness, you will be better investing in other areas of life, such as community and relationships.”
He admitted that the wealthy, gorgeous, and famous of the world do have a leg up over most of us. However, the rest of humanity should look for happiness in other ways.
“The highest predictor of happiness is the quality of your relationships to people close to you,” Prilleltensky said.
Spending time with people who are nurturing and supportive is one of the pillars of happiness, said Scott Rogers, director of the University of Miami School of Law’s Mindfulness in Law Program.
Our relationships with others—and ultimately ourselves—contribute meaningfully to the quality of our peace of mind and can facilitate greater happiness, he noted.
As such, it can be worthwhile to periodically take stock of whether they are serving us well. If not, it can be important to have heartfelt and sometimes difficult conversations to place the relationship on more solid footing or to make the sometimes tough decision to leave it behind—with gratitude for what the connection may have offered us along the way, Rogers pointed out.
We all know that life can be difficult, so we cannot expect to be happy constantly. But the experts agree that there are ways to encourage and create happiness.
“There are proven ways to cultivate positive emotions and proven ways to lower negative emotions,” said Prilleltensky. “Engaging in something that you like creates happiness,” he added. “Some people like to walk in nature, others like listening to music, others like to write or read or to play music.”
Psychologists call this state “flow,” and it means that you get lost in an activity, Prilleltensky noted.
Interacting with nature can promote positive feelings, since it takes us out of ourselves and immerses us in a larger world, said Rogers, who developed the SoBe Mindful Movement method, “that draws upon the elements of nature to help us connect with ourselves and our shared humanity,” the website states.
“We are drawn to the beauty of the natural world such that, without even trying, we are less likely to reach for our devices,” Rogers said. “It can be refreshing when we leave our devices at home, when we take that walk.”
Rogers maintained that electronic devices—although necessary in our present world—could add to our stress and unhappiness. Social media platforms, such as Instagram and Facebook, tend to offer curated snapshots of people’s lives. These lives are often organized to appear ideal, which can prompt the “comparing mind” to narrate an unsatisfactory story about ourselves.
He cited a book called “Digital Minimalism,” where its author Cal Newport states that social media can make us feel bad because we are constantly comparing ourselves to others.
“While on social media we are also minimizing social contact and taking time away from spending quality time with others,” Rogers said.
One other well-researched step that can help to increase happiness is the expression of gratitude.
“You can be grateful for your family, to a higher being, to your friends,” said Prilleltensky. “You can even be grateful that you have savings for retirement or that you did not get COVID this season.”
Writing down five things you are grateful for every day can be a good exercise, he said.
Another lesson to learn in the search for happiness is realizing that material possessions can only bring momentary happiness, Prilleltensky pointed out.
“Research shows that it is much better to buy experiences as opposed to material things,” said Prilleltensky. “If you have some extra money, take a family vacation. That will bring you more memories than buying a red Corvette. The more you accrue positive experiences, the happier you become.”
Moreover, if you have extra disposable income and give it to someone who truly needs it, you will feel gratification, Prilleltensky said.
“If you are going to buy something, buy something for somebody else that will bring you more happiness than buying something for yourself,” Prilleltensky added. “You offer help to a friend, and you feel valued because you did something good for somebody else. You feel fulfilled.”
