The holiday season is traditionally a time of joy, sharing, and connections. Family gatherings, holiday parties, gift exchanges, and religious observances will occur in abundance.
It should be a time of joy and peace.
Instead, for many, this time of year also can bring a great deal of stress and even depression. Difficult relatives, financial obligations, the loss of a loved one, wanting to maintain traditions and comparing one’s celebrations to others, can be stressors that dampen the holiday spirit.
There are ways to avoid that anxiety, said Orlando Gonzalez, executive director for the University of Miami Faculty and Staff Assistance Program.
“It is important to enter the holiday with a mindset that would minimize the stress,” Gonzalez said during a the recent Zoom presentation “Mindsets for Managing Holiday Stress.”
To set up that perspective, one must analyze what causes it, Gonzalez noted.
Expectations can be high during the holidays. Sometimes people feel like the traditions must be exactly as they always have been, he said. Many feel obligated to hold the large dinner, have the perfect decorations, and so on. “You have to be careful as to the demands that you place on yourself,” he added.
Sometimes we feel that others have it better and those comparisons—especially when they are made via social media—can fuel anxiety and depression. Family gatherings also can be trying. There may be unfinished business and ongoing issues with certain members that can surface at this time.
“We sometimes subject ourselves to spending a lot of time with these people and we don’t realize that we can start to set limits,” said Gonzalez. Don’t be afraid of telling them that you will attend the party but only for a certain number of hours.
For many, the loss of a loved one can be particularly stressful. Holidays only emphasize that absence. A family gathering can enhance the grief caused by a death, divorce, or separation.
Financial problems can add a great deal of stress during this time as well, especially with the rising inflation. The cost of gifts, food, and travel have all increased.
“The kind of gatherings we are accustomed to holding or the trips we are accustomed to taking at this time may have to be tweaked, so that this does not contribute to our stress,” Gonzalez explained.
Adjusting expectations around the available finances is a way to address money issues.
“Maybe this year we only give children presents and not the adults,” he said. “We are readjusting the expectations.”
For some, the fear of COVID-19, which is still around, produces anxiety. It is important to acknowledge that some family members or friends (who may be older or are immunocompromised because of their health) may not feel comfortable socializing among large groups of people.
For them, it is helpful to talk to the party organizers ahead of time to see if an outdoor space would be provided and if wearing masks would be appropriate, he suggested.
One good attitude to have during the holidays is to value quality instead of quantity, he said.
Think of what your friends and families really need, Gonzalez noted. Maybe they need an attentive ear or an act of kindness instead of a physical gift. Spend time with someone who is lonely or sick. Create new traditions. Offer advice to someone who needs it.
“Don’t complicate your life or your holidays,” he said.
Members of the University community who may need assistance during the holiday season can contact the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program at 305-284-6604 or www.fsap.miami.edu.
